Pro Tip: I taught you earlier how to measure your microwave for hotspots. Now I’m going to do the same for your oven. Get a baking tray that will take up your entire oven. If you don’t have one of those, use multiple ones to fill it up. Now get a loaf of pre-sliced white bread. Lay the pieces of bread out so that they cover the baking tray(s). Put your oven on broil, and then put the baking tray in the oven, about 4 inches from the coils. Cook until one of the slices of bread turns black.
Remove the tray and you should now have a map of how hot certain areas of your oven are. Memorize it or take a picture. Take that Julia Childs.
Pro Tip: If you get shin splints when running, here is something simple you can do to beef up the muscles on the front of your legs. Every day write the alphabet with your toe. Just sit in a chair, pick up your leg and then move your toe around in the shape of the alphabet. Do this after runs too. Do it with each foot. Boom. Now you can run fast, fatty.
Pro Tip: If you have something rusty, here is a convenient rust remover. Simply mix 1 part molasses with 10 parts water. Molasses has phosphoric acid in it, which will chomp away at the rust. Rinse your metal pieces thoroughly once you have removed the rust you want.
Pro Tip: Always keep some baking soda near your cooking area. If you have a grease fire, dump the baking soda on it. Only then should you scream like a wimp.
Pro Tip: Save money by pooping in the office. I am lucky that my office carries decent bathroom tissue. Let me drop some math on you. The average American uses 57 sheets of toilet paper a day. If you are a normal bloated lackey of your capitalist overlords, you work 49 weeks out of the year. 49 weeks/workyear * 5 days/ week * 57 sheets/day = ~14,000 sheets/workyear. According to ToiletPaperworld.com, the standard 48 roll pack of Charmin costs $53 (That is bulk by the way. You’re probably buying it at a much higher cost) and a roll has 308 sheets. 53$/ pack * 1 pack/48 rolls * 1 roll/308 sheets * 14,000 sheets/year = $50 per year that you are saving. This is at bulk prices my friend.
Pro Tip: If your car is running funny, but you don’t have any money, call up local schools. Many of them have auto tech departments and will look at your car for free. You’ll have to pay for parts of course, but you won’t have to pay for labor.
Pro Tip: If you have a 3 button mouse, click the middle button on a link to open it up in a new tab.
Pro Tip: If you want to prevent staticky laundry coming out of the dryer, roll up some aluminum foil and toss it in with your laundry.
Pro Tip: If your avocado has ripened, but you don’t want to eat it right away? Put it in the fridge. It will feel mushy, but baby, that avocado is okay.
Pro Tip: When printing out text, print it in the font “Century Gothic”. Its thinner letters mean that you use approximately 30% less toner.